Earlier on in my career, before truly starting a spiritual journey, I held a lot of judgement about myself and my capabilities as a therapist because of my illness.
Bipolar creates limitations in our lives, which is okay. It's not easy, but it is acceptable for us to need accommodations, which does become easier to provide ourselves within a psychotherapy private practice.
In graduate school, professors often discussed the need for "self-care" as a therapist. They brought up things like receiving therapy ourselves, getting enough sleep, or doing things that felt uplifting in our personal lives. However, the discussion was profoundly narrow.
In fact, limitations as a therapist were often made to seem unacceptable. For example, what if a therapist did not want to work with a certain type of client? What if a therapist accidentally left their cell phone on during a difficult session? What if a therapist felt overwhelmed by holding space for a client's trauma? What if a client needed to leave work early simply because they felt overwhelmingly exhausted by the emotional load practice embodies?
Being a therapist is wonderful. It's a privilege, and it is very wearing. We must show up daily ready to hold another's suffering or deepest traumas. We must learn emotional and energetic boundaries to avoid vicarious traumatization or attachments. We must be able to compartmentalize our suffering to honor another's.
Then, on top of it all, what if we, ourselves, have a mental illness?
Spirituality has been the backbone of managing my personal perception of my illness to become the great therapist I am today.
One of the sources I draw from is Yoga whose fundamental practice is compassion...compassion for self, for others, for all existence. The essence of all spirituality is love.
Practicing Yoga in the West is often centered around asana, the physical vinyasa flow. Yet, Yoga embodies eight limbs, asana being only one. The other seven limbs revolve around self-study, mindfulness, meditation, and compassion. When we practice compassion toward ourselves, when we take time to get to know the ebbs and flows of our illness, when we honor exactly where we are on any given day, we are, in fact, practicing Yoga.
I had to expand my understanding of "self-care" far beyond the narrow perspective within my psychotherapy education.
Through spiritual study I now understand self-care as honoring myself, acknowledging my limitations, giving myself what I need, and allowing myself to be a mess from time to time.
I utilize the typical "strategies", of course, such as sleep, fulfilling activities, exercise, and such. Simultaneously I give myself time off, if I am experiencing hypomania and insomnia I may occasionally need to leave work early, if I leave my cell phone on I give myself space to be human, if I am feeling emotionally drained, I may have to refer a client or two to another therapist who can be more present with them.
Starting a spiritual journey is not limited to finding a perception of the Divine that resonates.
It is also a way of living. Living by the spiritual principle of compassion means that I not only apply this to others...I also apply it to myself. This is the embodiment of spirituality.
Today I am not going to say "I am grateful for my mental illness". While this may be the way some people feel, I can honor that this illness can be downright hard. However, it has made me a better therapist, and, even more than that, it has brought me closer to Spirit. For this I am grateful. Would I have rather become a great therapist and close to the Divine without bipolar? Yes. Would it have happened if I didn't have bipolar? Who knows. The story I have lived has been with mental illness and this story has led me to where I stand today.
The embodiment of spirituality is living alongside our limitations with compassion.
Isn't this what we, as therapists, hope to convey to our clients? Of course, therefore, we must learn to practice it ourselves.
Perhaps, as a therapist, it is time for starting a spiritual journey and if you are embodying the principles within your life. Perhaps it is time to elevate your own life with compassion, begin to accept your limitations, and release expectations that you, as the therapist, are beyond the mess.
Sarah Dionne, LICSW, has a private psychotherapy practice in Halifax, MA. She specializes in drawing from spirituality to heal the self fully, mind, body and spirit. She focuses her work on people living with bipolar disorder, ocd, chronic illness, death and dying, and women's issues.
Learn more about Sarah and her practice here.
Sarah is currently hiring a case manager to work with the elderly community.
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